Standing up for Women all over China 为所有在中国的女人抵抗

I found out today that one of my former coworkers filed charges on rape. What happened was terrible and it should have never happened, but I’m not surprised that it did. I know who the man is and I know what city she is working in so it’s really not that surprising. What is surprising is that she said something about it, and I can’t be happier for her. It’s about time women in China stand up for themselves against the terrible odds.

I don’t think that people talk about the abuse that women get in China, but it is very common. It’s in fact so common that getting assaulted is not a big deal. That’s what my Chinese friends tell me at least. After being grabbed or fondled by strangers, I’d feel violated and talk to some of my Chinese girlfriends and that’s what they would tell me – it’s really common, it’s not a big deal, it happens all the time. Well, just because it happens all the time does not mean it’s right! None of my Chinese girlfriends are really willing to talk about this topic if they have any experience in it. After living in China for a few years, I’ve started to understand their mind set.

After my first experience being assaulted in China, I was very freaked out. I was fine, my friend stepped in and got the guy away from me, but it was still a scary experience. So I talked to my Korean neighbor about what happened and what I should do. She told me that there was nothing I could do. She’s had bad experiences as well and didn’t always have a rescuer like me. Well, she’s tried running to safety in a small store only to be kicked out by the shop clerk who didn’t want a confrontation in his business. She’s tried talking to our school or the police only to have them blame her for leading the man on. There is no way to prove what happened and no one will believe your story. Since the blame is put on the woman, it’s a loss of face that women don’t want to admit to and since admitting it doesn’t help, they don’t do anything about it.

Talking about it really doesn’t help. The more you tell people, the more they convince you that maybe you shouldn’t have been wearing a skirt or makeup or that you just need to get over it and put it in the past. It’s not the woman’s fault and it doesn’t matter how much money the man has, he has no right to take advantage! In my coworker’s case, I think the main reason no one spoke up before is because the man has enough money and contacts to make the story go away, so it is just easier to save face and walk away. That is why I am so happy that my coworker stood up and filed charges against him! It’s built up a bit of a media storm so he will have a hard time bribing his way out of this one.

I wish that more women stood up against the men that take advantage of them. My former coworker is my hero for being so courageous.

note: Most areas of China are pretty safe for women but there are some particular areas that are very difficult

我的一个以前的女同事提起诉讼强奸。发生的事是极坏的而并不该发生的,但是我没什么大的吃惊。我认识那个男的也了解她工作的城市因此没什么令人惊讶的。惊讶的事是她控告。我很佩服她的勇敢而为她开心。在中国有太少真么勇敢的女人维护自己的权利。
没那么多的人在中国愿意谈受虐但受虐女人比想想还平常。其实被男人袭击很正常,不算什么大不了的事。至少我的中国朋友这样跟我说。我每次被陌生男人占便宜或更坏,我感觉不干净而无力,我很想找个人安慰我但我朋友们都告诉我这样感觉没必要,这样的事很正常,没什么大不了。一件事经常发生不证明这件事是对的!如果我的中国女性朋友们对这个话题有一点经验的话都不愿意谈。住在中国几年之后我开始慢慢了解她们的思維。

我第一次在中国遭受虐待和猥亵,我吓坏了。其实我没事,那个男的没能伤害我因为我的一个朋友抓走了他,但还算是一个很可怕的经历。我心烦意乱,混身都在发抖。我找了我的邻居,她也是个外国女孩在中国,而她告诉我她自己的经历。她告诉我没什么我可以做的。在她的故事里没有人救她,她跑了,然后找了一个小商店但那老板不愿意她藏在里面。之后她跟我们的学校和警察说了但他们都怪她,说她勾引他们。没法证明发生的事,没法令人相信。因为人人都怪女人,所以女人不想承认了丢脸而且因为承认了没什么帮助,所以女人就不说还什么都不做。

谈谈没有用。多告诉人,人都说服你是你的错误。你开始相信也许并不应该穿裙子,不应该化妆,也许应该长胖或者就应该把这件事忘掉。并不是女人的错误!不管那个男的有多少钱,他没权利欺负女人!对与我的同事的事情来说,我觉得以前没有女人愿意为自己说话是因为那个男的的关系够多能把事情掩盖。保全面子不说话是最容易做法。是因为我了解困难才为我同事这么开心! 她维护自己的权利和对老板提起诉讼!现在这故事在媒体比较热因此他没法跑。

我真想看到更多女人会跟我的同事一样勇敢。

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4 Comments

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4 responses to “Standing up for Women all over China 为所有在中国的女人抵抗

  1. Well done her !
    And well done you, too, for highlighting the problem in such a “matter of fact” way, without resorting to the sort of screaming frenzy that one finds so often from people identifying social problems within China.
    Every country has its own social problems, and the more level-headed the commentary and the observation the more effective it is as a way of inducing real change.
    I wish her luck with the case.

  2. That is excellent that your friend actually reported this. It’s so criminal that abuse goes unnoticed, and seems to be considered acceptable at any level. I was once sexually assaulted by a driver in China, who thought it was OK to touch my boobs (even though he knew I was married — then again so was he). I didn’t want to even talk about it, or write about it, for the longest time, thinking too that it was my fault for some reason (it is crazy that you think that, somehow).

    On the subject of abuse, there’s a similar problem for child abuse — that it just doesn’t go reported in China. There’s no mandate for reporting child abuse to the authorities, like in the US, so people can get away with it in China.

    • Justin Liu

      That is insane. I can’t imagine any situation where a woman “leading” somebody on would justify rape or assault. I’d think I’d lose it, if a sister or friend was assaulted like this.

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