I had a fear of marriage, or more specifically of divorce. I wanted to know what everyone else thinks when they say “I do” so I could figure out why some would later say “I want a divorce.” Since I married in China, I asked my Chinese friends.
Whenever my husband goes out of town, I miss him terribly and everyone at work notices. One of my coworkers, Jenny, tried to console me saying that she hardly ever sees her boyfriend.
Jenny and her boyfriend’s situation is actually very common in China, they live and work in different cities and only get to see eachother once or twice a year during the holidays. I suddenly felt bad for complaining about my husband leaving for only a few days.
Only, Jenny didn’t miss her boyfriend.
- -It’s no big deal. You see, I don’t really miss him. I can have my own life here, and we talk to each other on the phone every now and then.
- -Why don’t you miss him?
- -It’s our parents who want us together. We are from the same hometown and my parents are friends with his parents.
- -Do you want to marry him?
- -It would make my parents happy. He is nice and we have known each other for a long time. When we are ready to get married, I’ll quit my job and we will move to the same city. Our parents will be happy.
I didn’t know how to respond to that. She just didn’t seem excited, though she didn’t seem unhappy either.
I always figured every bride should be excited about getting married. Maybe those who aren’t jumping for joy are the ones who have thought things through more clearly?
There is nothing wrong with an arranged or semi-arranged marriage; my in-laws had an arranged marriage and they seem happy. Perhaps when you marry out of responsibility, the bonds that hold you in the marriage last longer and you find ways to love each other and grow together as opposed to two people who chose to be together then change and maybe grow apart?