A legal name change with Chinese documents

One day I was out shopping with a Chinese-American friend and he told me he wanted take his (presumably american) wife’s name when he eventually gets married.

This seemed odd as men don’t usually change their name when they get married, so I asked -

Why do you want to change your last name? 你为什么要变性？

He stopped and looked horrified. Finally he laughed -

Thank goodness no one heard you. It’s 换姓名, not 变性. I don’t want to become a woman!
(性 xìng = sex; 姓 xìng = surname)

He then proceed to tell me how difficult it is when no one can pronounce or spell your last name. Hmm, I still wanted to take my husband’s name, even if it is Chinese. After 2 years of marriage, I finally got my name changed!

How to change your name:
Changing your name after marriage is actually really simple. You don’t have to go to a courthouse for a legal name change. All you have to do is:

How Fluent is your Chinese?

I don’t think about my Chinese level very much. I speak it everyday and ever since I’ve been able to watch Chinese news and movies comfortably without subtitles, I’ve considered myself fluent. But what does fluent mean? There are varying levels of fluency and there always inevitably seems to be more to learn.

According to the Interagency Language Roundtable (ILR) scale, there are 5 levels of fluency:

Level 1 – Elementary proficiency
When I think of elementary proficiency I remember these conversations:
你好！
你好！
你会中文吗？
一点。
你是哪国的？
美国.
汉语说的不错，学了多久？
一个月
哇！你才学了一个月！我以为好几年！很棒！
Yes, back in the day, I got praised for my amazing ability to say just a few words. Being able to say my name and order a bowl of rice was often considered “fluent.”

Level 2 –

Do foreigners really exist?

Look, a foreigner! They DO exist, I thought they were only on TV!
– said a neighboring farmer.

Those were the first words I heard as I stepped out of the “bread truck” into my husband’s hometown. They gave a pretty good idea as to what kind of world I was going to spend the next month and half. I was not prepared.

That was back during the Spring Festival 2006, and I still don’t know how to feel about people doubting my existence.

Blending In and Wigging Out 黑色的假发

   Wigs have become increasingly popular around here in Qingdao. I run into a lot of girls with beautiful long tendrils of shiny golden hair and then compliment them - they then tell me where they bought their hair. Some girls at work even started rotating the same wigs so I can’t really tell them apart anymore, at least not at first glance. At first it was a bit disconcerting to see girls pull their bangs right off or to see old ladies with luscious black curls pinned to their greying buns, but the trend is really starting to grow on me.  I even bought one of those messy bun extensions that sort of matches my hair color.  The real question is – if Chinese girls can change their black hair to blonde, why can’t I change my blonde hair to black?

   You see, I’ve always wondered what it would be like to walk around China without being stared at, pointed at, or talked about. It’s true that there are more foreigners where I live now so it’s really not as big of a deal as it was a few years ago, but I still wonder what it would be like to truely blend in and not stand out.  So I bought a wig! I bought a long black wig at a 格子铺 shop. I would finally fulfill my dream!

   The next day I decided to dress up like a normal Chinese girl. I wore some clothes that I bought with my Chinese girlfriends – converse, tights, long hoodie, short skirt (the style in Qingdao is highly influenced by Korean styles).  Then I put on my long black wig and ventured out into China. Only, I didn’t blend in.

   I did on first glance. I was dressed like most girls my age and my hair didn’t stand out, but I’m really white. I’m usually pretty pale, but in contrast to the black hair, I glowed! People were doing double-takes. They’d all walk along not noticing me then stop, turn around, and check to make sure they saw right. People just stared on the bus. People usually don’t stare that much.  My face was burning and my head was itching.

   All day, it took everyone a few seconds to realize I wasn’t Chinese and then they just stared. I didn’t really get why people stared more than with my natural hair color. My friends later told me that I looked like the dead girl from the Japanese horror movie the Ring.  So much for blending in.

在青岛发现女孩戴假发越来越流行。我经常看到一些漂亮的女孩有着长而美丽的金发，一般在我赞扬之后她们会说谢谢并告诉我在那里能买的到！我的一些同事也开始交换彼此的假发，有时甚至没办法分清楚谁是谁。刚开始我不明白这个戴假发的流行趋势，不过慢慢开始喜欢，我自己也买了一个配我头发颜色的假马尾辫。主要的问题是-如果中国女孩能把她们的黑头发变成金黄色，为什么我不能把我金黄色头发变成黑色？

来中国之后，我一直想如果自己出门没有人因为我是外国人而注意我，那会是一种什么样的感觉？现在其实出门没那么麻烦，毕竟在中国的外国人越来越多，不过我还不能混入其中吧。因此我买了一个假发！我从一个格子铺店买了一个深黑的披肩长发。这才能一定程度满足我的梦想！

第二天我穿了一些跟中国女性朋友一起逛街买的衣服-那些在中国流行但在美国不敢穿的衣服。然后我戴了我的黑色假发出门。但是我感觉还不相称。

第一眼看上去没什么特别，我穿的跟别的女孩差不多，我头发也是很普通的颜色，只是我很白。我本来比较白，然后跟我乌黑的假发比，皮肤更是白的吓人！每个人都回头看我，他们会不经意的走过我，然后停下回头再看一遍我，打消他们忽然蹦出来的疑问。在公交车上更多的人看我，比不戴假发的平时还多。我更是不好意思的脸红，甚至头皮都发痒了。

整天每个人花了几秒钟发现我不是中国人然后继续盯着看我。我真不明白有什么特别，为什么看我的人比我有自然金色头发的时候还多？过了一会我的朋友们告诉我戴假发的你像日本恐怖片的Ring的死亡女主角。有关相称就到此为止。

Having a Chinese husband 有中国的老公

This is apparently my “claim to fame” - I married a Chinese man. 

I get identified more as “the foreign girl with a Chinese husband” than I do by my own name.  During the 2008 Beijing Olympics, I was a volunteer interpreter and reporters asked more questions about my marriage than they did about my volunteer work.  People I have never seen or met before often know I have a Chinese husband before I even get the chance to introduce myself.  So this is my identity, 洋媳妇 or 山东媳妇.

I don’t mind it that much.  I’d like to think that there is more about me than just being foreign and married to a local, but it is what stands out at first glance.  I understand that people are curious as to why any western girl would come to China and marry a poor farm boy.  I just tell people that it was destiny.  You can’t choose who you love.  

There are many struggles with being married to a man with a background so completely different than mine, but there is never a dull moment.

我的名誉索赔就是这样 – 我跟一个中国男人的结婚。

我的洋媳妇的身份比自己的名字更有知名度。2008的北京奥运会，我在青岛的奥帆基地当志愿者，当时记者问我的关于婚姻的问题比志愿者的问题多的多。我在自我介绍前大多陌生人却早已知道我有个中国老公。的确如此，我的身份就是山东的洋媳妇。
不过我也没什么介意。我能了解人们为什么好奇一个西方女孩愿意跟一个普通的中国男人结婚。我只能说是缘分，缘分到了，谁也没法控制爱情。
跟一个和我背景如此截然不同的人结婚有很多难处却不会无聊。